When I speak of perfectionism and OCPD I think before we get in to what it is, we need to establish what it is not
Let me be clear that perfectionism is a curse on your ability to perform, design, create and exist in a state of harmony and satisfaction according to ones on standards and desires. You can have the highests standards (YES YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE STANDARDS AND NICE THINGS, MATERIAL POSSESSIONS, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, CAR, HAIR ETC) but it is how you manifest / obtain those things and the value you possess when achieving them that will make all the difference. Don’t let your perfectionist mind stand in the way. Shush it down so you can rather go with the flow…..
But let’s not confuse OCPD with obsessive cleanliness and an orderly perfectionist attitude and while it can lead to this, OCPD is more focused on loop patterns, repeating thoughts that get stuck in your head and prevent you from breaking the walls down so that you can free yourself from them.
I will give you an example from a personal perspective:
WARNING – LONG PERSONAL STORY BELOW!
Due to my parents divorce when I was 10, I went to boarding school. While I loved it there and have amazing memories of this time of my life and made a sisterhood out of all the girls I was in class with that 30 years later is still going strong, there was a huge level of trauma about being sent away and not being home with my parents.
In light of childhood trauma healing let me be clear that I believe my parents for the most part communicated well with me and gave me no room to believe that their separation was my fault or caused me to feel it was traumatic, the teachers at my school never could understand how and why I was processing a family separation whilst being separated from the situation in a place that was foreign to me and while I was happy there, the consequences of this at the ages of 11-17 led me to develop strong OCPD in order to gain control of my own thoughts, behaviours and experiences.
I had head ticks and twitches, I used to grunt and make strange noises and my behaviour was erratic and impulsive. I couldn’t go to sleep at night until I had quietly wished every one of my family members (dogs, cats, rabbits included) a good night and safe dreams for if I missed one of them out I believed they would die and it would be my fault. I would miss sleep over this and just in case I had forgotten I would repeat the sequences over and over and over and over like a stuck record until either I passed out or I felt like it was safe to stop. This was cause further behavioral problems due to exhaustion that the teachers could never understand so they labelled me naughty, gave me a hard time and weren’t in any way supportive. They made this very clear.
When I go back in time to analyse this I know that it was due to separation anxiety from being so far apart from my people. I came home when I was 18 and was absolutely fine and then when I was 20 I moved to Spain. This repeated all over again. I realise it was a paranoia that commenced when I was separate from my people and it is a way for me to control this in my own mind and make sure that everyone is safe according to my mind.
I had a conversation with myself one night through the summer of 2005 while my then boyfriend was in Mexico and I had the house to myself for 2 months and the separation caused me to strongly obsess over everyone I loved. I had to ask myself to go 1 night then 2 then 3 to see if I could do a full week of no night time messages to everyone that took hours of my time and eventually, I realised that everyone was fine. Nothing was going to happen to them that couldn’t be controlled by me and that I was safe to stop.
Now when I look back on this, I have to stress that the reason I was successful was because in my subconscious mind I was connected to my higher self. I knew this even though I didn’t know it consciously but the young version of me clearly trusted the voice helping, guiding, advising etc and I see now that the one person I trust most in the world to help is myself. I never needed anyone else I just needed me. This is why I do what I do and help guide people back to themselves because that is truly all that matters and all that you need. That trust in self. Hard to imagine for many but, the higher you knows and is holding out a hand. Grab it please and trust
I must also say, that OCPD ties in strongly to addictions and substance abuse as they tend to go hand in hand and it was also in 2008 that after 15 years of smoking (the norm in Europe) I said NO MORE and from one day to the next quit. My book 3 WILL TO POWER THE BOOK OF THE MIND will speak about this so in case you’re reading this and wondering how to conquer yourself, the answers may lay there. OCPD addiction ADHD ADD TOURETTES YADAYADAYADA are all just fancy terms for frequency energetics that exist within all of us and are ways for us to understand them on a logical level. Don’t go too one side or the other. Find the middle. All is good!
HUMANOLOGY 