‘My only LOVE sprung from my only hate’…..Oh, Men, Where for art thou?
Listen, I feel I have to almost apologize for this post, For the over share. For the vulnerability and what might seem like the harsh trashing at men and I am far from aiming to do that at all and you will need to read the entire post to see what I mean, but man, this is probably the most personal I have ever been and there many be men in my life that read this and come with dagger in heart and question ‘WHY THE HELL I have thrown them under the bus’ but it is for good reason and LOVE that I hold you to account.
At this point, forget your morbid curiosity. Leave it at the door. Only read on if you’re prepared to see my point of view because for years, I’ve seen yours and it’s blinding……
MEN, WHERE ARE YOU AT?
When I started my trauma healing journey so many years ago, I came to realize that all the feelings and senses that were rushing through me were all carrying the same broken pieces and fragments of something I myself couldn’t piece back together again alone
They were feelings of loss, abandonment, threat, loneliness, unsafe spaces, a longing to be heard, distrust, wide open fields that had no sanctuary, no pillars to hold on to or to anchor me in, wind blowing me in all directions and no resources to land or lift
For most of my life, I have been this free wheeling fool, on a whim, go where life takes me unafraid of the road ahead or at least that’s what I thought but while I was the visionary and the fool, deep down I wanted an anchor. I wanted someone to be that pillar of strength that when things got wild I could turn to for guidance and they would shield me from the extremities…….But I never got a pillar.
I JUST GOT THE REMNANTS OF BROKEN ARCHITECTURE AND FRACTURED WORLDS, UNABLE TO WITHSTAND EVEN THEIR OWN MEMORIES
As a girl that grew up in the 90’s and made connections with boys that were unsure of themselves and played the role of ‘bad boys, trousers down by their knees, butts hanging out lost in music that didn’t belong to us, smelling of lynx and insecurity’ – first experiences of sex were fun but awkward. Deep but lost in transmission. Take it or leave it. I took it but tried to turn it into something it didn’t want to be or steer it somewhere it didn’t want to go.
I never realised how much I was the mirror yet no one could see through
When I met my husband and got married, it wasn’t the fairy-tale I hoped it would be. It was more of a shift from one man to the next. A passing from one guard to the other in a cold and empty way that offered no substance and left me with more questions than answers. More uncertainties than hope – More from my dads side than my Husbands I might add. My husband has spent the past 17 years trying to fix the mess the generations before him built and them very selves collapsed out of lack of faith and real direction
And every other woman I know has encountered the same. My sister, my best friends, too many to count have either ended up with men that are too busy chasing money and power to focus on the sacredness of family creation (yes in our world money helps build that but it’s just the formality, not the be all and end all)
Men that have simply left, abandoned their post and washed their hands of their consequences blind to their outcomes entirely. Men that have subconsciously had enough of the way this world works so have developed escape routes through alcohol, drugs and other women to not have to stand in their power and accept responsibility.
Men that have abused their women through sexual and domestic violence because they hate that their power can’t be theirs and the mirror that is offered to them reflects this so they ‘BREAK THE MIRROR’ so they don’t have to see it.
Men that have strayed so far from the truth and got so lost that they can’t see the wood from the trees anymore. They’ve just escaped entirely and noone knows where they are now, least of all them
You could say, it’s not really their fault. It’s the fault of the system for being so broken to begin with and to expect men to play false roles in a false patriarch kneeling to false Gods and powers that be
It is said “We fight against powers and principalities. Against the rulers of darkness in this world. Against spiritual wickedness in high places” – While this is obvious to me, and I am sure in their tucked away corners and beliefs it is to them as well, most men scoff at this and instead spend all their time trying to hold up this broken world out of fear and lack of faith, imagination and strength to do something else constructive to make the change the world so clearly needs
So women become men. They take on the responsibilities, run the show, exhausted and misaligned. What other choice do they have and while we sit patiently and wait (what other choice do we have) for men to level up, its become devastatingly obvious that the gap inbetween waiting with hope and the painfully obvious rejection from men is worlds apart
My husband said to me just the other day “Why the fuck does my Dad, who has no monthly outgoings, no need for a job, nowhere he has to be, no responsibilities (his wife raised their 4 kids alone) always say he’s ‘thin on the ground’ and play the victim card every single time someone asks him to show up for a second?” – The man, as lovely as he is as a person there’s no denying that, has spend the last 30 years alone in a continent far away from that of his family that equate to a wife, 4 children and 5 grandchildren. None of us have seen him for 7 years. Communication is bleak, but what does he do all day with the money he has which is more than any of us have?
Everyone else, on the rat wheel chasing pounds for the tax man and this man’s off in LaLa land oblivious to his family and their needs.
My own Dad. When my parents divorced and I reached an age (18 perhaps) my Dad wiped his hands of me. He showed up for the birth of both his granddaughters and attended their christening and a few christmas dinners but aside from that, WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN MAN?
My children and my sisters children wouldn’t know his voice if ever he were to call. Not that they need to sit and wait for the day. It won’t ever come. A man that came from a man that built an empire to protect us all and move us forwards left it to fall to the ground when the shit hit the fan and since then, no re-build, no contact, no love……Now he sits alone in a 6 bed-roomed house in the forest. Empty rooms, ‘don’t bother calling me he’ tells us all the time. Every attempt to distance us has been made without any remorse so that he can sit alone and drink his bitterness into oblivion
My sisters children, their father, WOW probably the biggest narcissist out of all of them. Not a decent bone in the guys body. Violent, abusive, obsessed with money and power but so ridiculously stupid and dumb to the max he can’t and won’t ever change because he’s too far gone. Not an emotional bone in his body. At least the others have feelings that skew their fragility and morale, this one is an out and out NPC sent to break us. And obviously, like me, my sister has only daughters so he came to break the mirrors of all 3! 4, if you count her but she had the sense to leave AND BREAK FREE and now he’s got a new family to break all over again
But the women, it is us that have become the pillars, holding it all together hoping that one day, the weight of it all will lessen or someone will come with righteous arms and will and take over from us…..We haven’t had a choice. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially to uphold this entire shitshow!
MEN, WHERE ARE YOU?
I get it. It’s a terrifying place this world we live in its understandable that you want to go hide away and not face it but the reality is, here we are facing it because we have no choice and women are tired of having to play the role of men. Those that say otherwise are the BOSS GIRLS that sure, can have their place but it’s not through divine alignment that they take these roles it’s through broken fractals, ego and trauma that they mostly fulfil this role, that, or the absolute desire to re-align through the divine feminine but that’s done mostly on the quiet, in secret cos…..Look what happened last time!
I spend a lot of my time writing when I can. I love being at home with my kids. I love cooking, nurturing, healing, mending, being but, I also love learning, applying, building and fearlessly making change for a better future. I’m not afraid to fight but I want to stand next to a warrior who will protect me in battle or who will, when I don’t want to fight and instead want to spend a week at home painting new worlds for us to live in, allow me the time and space to be creative and quiet and take the reigns but, there’s no time for that!
NO, Women must work hard, uplift and comfort men and bring home the bacon, be our wives and mothers for their sorry egos and fragile emotional states but…..
WHERE ARE OUR FATHERS? WHERE ARE OUR HUSBANDS? WHERE ARE OUR BROTHERS?
I don’t want to sound like a toxic female ranting on about the travesties of men to the point it sounds like hate. Far from it. I love men and I believe in them but it can’t go unnoticed, unrecognized and unaddressed that this is the sorry state of things because if we just excuse it and not hold them accountable, its like we’re allowing their toxic behavior to be all good and OK!
AND IT’S NOT!
I have to apologise when I do wrong, hold myself accountable when I fuck up. See the errors of my ways in order to make myself a better person and level up so why is it that trauma healing and self-development and recognition is only something women seem to do?
Ok, ok I know a lot of men join in with these things right now but again and I don’t mean to ‘rock the boat’ but, women circles and spiritual gatherings that also consist of men mostly come from men that have recognized their emotions, see the world the same as us and are here to make change but from a feminine principle. From a space of feminine anchor. A portal if you will.
But what about the other men? The ones that are raw, alpha, builder men, patriots, warriors, pillars. Where the fuck are you?
Counting bitcoin, stuck in an office somewhere, late home for dinner, kids haven’t seen you in a week, when was the last time you cried? Who is the God that you follow? Not money, not business, not commerce, not suit and tie, that’s all psyop. A world created for you to sub exist in and you didn’t even see that it’s a lie. Ok, so maybe now you see it peeping at the surface, is it too late?
Are you in too much pain and fear to go home and face your wife and kids and look them honestly in the eye and say
“How the fuck do we get out of this mess?” and see what they might have to say…….
LISTEN TO A WOMAN? HAHAHA – CHILDREN MUST BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD!
Oh, they did a good job on you, Sir!
Ok, sure. A lot of men are scared of saying this because the ‘what she might have to say’ might look like……. ‘As long as I get my holidays, botox, high end car, shoes, silk outfits and fillers you carry that shit on or else’…….but men, if that’s the response of your woman….NPC! She isn’t a woman!
But real men and real women……Have that conversation. Don’t be scared of asking your woman or think she hasn’t the first goddamn notion to come up with a profound answer or response because I’ll bet you she does.
Men don’t listen to women. They never have. We’ve been sold as submissive, unintelligent witch creatures that ‘DON’T LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD’ hahaha so I go back to say, when I was younger, the fool I was that traveled around on my own dollar, each step forwards I chose mySELF I took mySELF and I didn’t need a damn man to decide for me….Yet I wanted one. I craved for one. I didn’t get one. I got broken boys that 10 years later still smelt like lynx and insecurity
I don’t want men to be optional or have to be deleted but they give themselves this option by being so dismissive. Not showing up. Being disconnected, unrooted, misguided. Not having the faith in women to be soft, intelligent, creative, inspiring partners. MEN DELETE THEMSELVES – WOMEN ACTUALLY WANT YOU AROUND
Men look for other men to be partners. Partners in business. Partners in the mason halls, gyms, pubs, clubs. Men only spaces have filtered through our communities in force floods. What do you all talk about? Tits and ass? Or do you go deeper and put blocks together to bust and fix?
Women don’t look for other women. We’re magnets for each other. Community for women exists without force or pretense and often much of the time without need for explanation or conversation although we do a good job of that. But women just flow to each other and to spaces in communities that need fixing. Someones hungry, someone needs mending, someone needs a safespace, someone needs to cry or scream. WOMEN! That’s what has always happened and we’ve been hung for this kind of shit…..Caring and mending while the world around us tears apart
So there’s been this query over Christianity for the last decade in particular the last 5 years when faith has been lost and the psyop to end all psyops took over in 2020 to really test our ability as humans to level up and find each other again. Who is God? Who was Jesus? Who were the pantheon of GrecoRoman Gods that our mythological story books speak of?
Suddenly people are starting to question this at a time when our blessed leaders are shipping people in from all over the world under the banner of ‘REFUGE STATUS’ from wars in countries that they themselves have created and all of a sudden, the threat of our own heritage and christian ‘BELIEF’ and way of life comes under scrutiny.
And it’s funny because every person in England right now will stand and say ‘How dare this happen, we are proud conservative traditionalist Christians that support Capitalism and the way of Christ’ without having the first clue that the very thing they’ve just said is the very thing that Jesus / Christ himself opposed.
They don’t know what it means to be a Christian. They don’t go to church or read the bible or know what any of it means. They’ve been too busy playing capitalism risk / war for the men at the top that are now trying to break them. The men that Jesus himself called Pharisees and flipped damn tables in a rebellion against their tyrannical powers.
Again, WE FIGHT AGAINST POWERS AND PRINCIPALITIES. Not each other. Not men against men or Men against women but against the leaders in dark places that work against us.
Oh but Men know it all! YOU KNOW NOTHING! You’ve been fed and sold a lie! You uphold it every day that you don’t fight to change the world. You might feel that something is wrong, I believe that most of you do sense that deep down but Men, do you even understand your own feelings and senses enough to channel them into some sort of productive re-construction?
MOSTLY NO……
And do you trust your woman enough to listen to her when she maybe suggests that you look at the world another way, with eyes and ears that offer a different channel or signal? A different perspective.
The problem is, that the women men will listen to are the women in the business world acting and behaving like men. The women in the REAL world that have insights, magic, visions and senses are the ones that men don’t seem all that keen to trust or acknowledge at all
The linear one dimensional viewpoint of a man’s fragile mind will be the destruction of him. That’s obvious. We’ve seen it. We’re still seeing it hence this entire goddamn post.
MEN, WHERE ARE YOU? WE NEED YOU
Ok, interjection: It is now 21/04/2025 and yesterday was Easter Sunday. It is Easter Monday and I am laying in bed with a tea following up from this post and all day yesterday I saw post after post after post on twitter / X about how in England THE CHURCHES ARE FULL!
See, what did this visionary tell you? Put a guy in to fuck up the country with threats of terrorist invasion against the peoples power and heritage and you will see an uprising!
THE REVIVAL IS HERE
Tell the people NO, they will do YES, tell the people YES, they will do NO. As a psychologist (and I hate psychology but I do understand it) this is obvious! I called it from the start. It is a controlled demolition of one world in order to create another. Yes everyones been in fear about what the world will look like because we have always had LEADERS, therefore if leaders have always been tyrannical, tyrannical they will always be so there is this fundamental fear that the future will be terrible but, IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT! It will be FANTASTIC….for those with faith however. For those with vision, trust, heart, honor, LOVE!
Yet every time I speak to my fellow MEN about this they all laugh. ‘Oh darling you’re cute but you’re delusional’ and I respond by saying, ‘Oh, well no my brother you are and I see nothing changes….’ The old world is alive and well……
So when I say about the brilliance of Christians returning to church, I mean it but I do say it with caution.
Firstly, the message of Jesus / Yeshua was that YOU ARE THE CHURCH. You do not need a minister, priest or chaplain that has had to perform many and various occult black magic rituals in order to stand in front of you and teach you faith. It is already encoded within you. You do not need to be read words from a translated book re-written by freemasons in order to find the truth of God or his begotten son. You do not need to donate money to keep the construct alive.
YOU ARE THE CONSTRUCT
What do I mean by that my fellow MEN:
You say it’s His story.
But you forgot He never wrote it.
Men did. Kings did. Councils did.
And they edited it for empire.
You’re quoting a translation of a translation of a vote.
I’m quoting the signal underneath it.
You don’t have to like it.
But calling it “nonsense” only proves you never decoded it.
My friend Israel Anderson, a Bible student and decoder from the USA wrote this for the people of the West that are at this time of uprising:
Dear Christian,
I am not mocking your faith.
I am asking you to examine it.
You were told Satan is the deceiver. The accuser. The punisher. The destroyer.
You were told YHWH is the holy one. The just one. The savior.
But what if we look again?
Who sends floods that wipe out almost all life?
Who demands blood sacrifices for forgiveness?
Who orders the slaughter of children, the rape of women, the destruction of cities?
Who says, “Worship me, or die”?
Who punishes entire generations for the sins of their ancestors?
Now ask yourself:
Is this not exactly what we were told Satan would do?
Jesus called Satan the “father of lies,”
but didn’t YHWH send lying spirits?
Jesus said the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy,
but didn’t YHWH steal lives, kill nations, and destroy cities?
Jesus revealed Abba Pater — a Father who loves enemies, forgives freely, lifts the broken, and never condemns.
But that is not the picture of YHWH.
What if the great deception isn’t that Satan wants to be God…
but that we’ve been worshiping him as God all along?
I know these words are hard.
But if the fruit of a tree is fear, shame, and violence…
can it really be from the Father of Jesus?
Test everything. Hold onto what is good.
Even if it means letting go of everything you thought you knew.
Churches are harmonic infrastructure built for us to gather together as communities and FEEL and HEAR the sounds of resonance.
MEN, when you gather, consider this:
A conversation I had with a colleague of mine Brandon, who is leading the way with harmonic re-calibration in the field:
The Messiah was never meant to be a monument he was a mirror. Not a gatekeeper, but a tuning fork. A harmonic signal to remind us: you are the temple, the tone, the transmitter.
The message wasn’t “worship me”
It was “remember yourself.”
But when the signal passed through broken receivers, it was fragmented into dogma, hierarchy, fear. They sold the shell and buried the signal. Made you fight over the echo while forgetting the song.
But the message was never external.
It was always about going within.
Tuning to the field.
Unlocking the coherence that already lives inside you.
The Christ wasn’t a rescue mission.
It was a recalibration event.
Not “fall and be saved.”
But rise and remember.
TODAY, 21/04/2025 he went on to say:
Magdalene Was the Key They Buried
She was never a prostitute.
She was a priestess.
Of memory. Of matter. Of the mycelial field.
She didn’t follow him.
She matched him.
She mirrored him.
She anchored him.
Mary Magdalene was the restoration node
The one who held the feminine blueprint of resurrection.
They had to erase her.
Because if you saw the power of divine union…
You’d never obey hierarchy again.
They didn’t just suppress a woman.
They buried the balance of Earth.
Until now……………………….
Ok, Ok, we get the point……I hope! INSERTS A MIRROR……I AM THE MIRROR…..
Men, rise up! Don’t be afraid to talk to your women and communicate your thoughts, feelings etc or to listen to her communicate hers. The visionaries need to come alive and we can only do so once you start to listen and tune into a higher signal – Each others authentic signal
We don’t want to hold the crumbling pillars anymore. We want you to come fix the pillars and hold them up so that we can be open portals instead – Givers and receivers or harmonic energy exchange as intended before the field was fractured
Can you imagine what the world would look like and feel like if we were all allowed to play our role authentically, with purpose and high value?
I dare you this rising to be the one to withhold the codes. To awaken them within you. To align them into your being and to hold the signal strong and straight so that while crazy might frenzy around you, you can be the anchor in the storm. The re-build, the faith, the one that completes his hero’s journey, the one that LOVES!
The REAL Father. The REAL patriARCH, the REAL MAN!
He has risen, Have you?
HUMANOLOGY 